The Garden
The GardenAn afternoon just to ourselves, a giftSo rare these frantic days - to languishBeneath the drooping elms. In dark pools drift,Through irises, gigantic golden fish.Above the lake swoop...
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Lovely, kind,fond and human; "failures"/"azaleas" alone is worth the price of admission. I felt that the couplet could have been punchier, but I wouldn't be unhappy if nothing different comes along.
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Alan--This is exquisitely done. I think the azaleas rhyme gives it a sort of whimsical Prufrock feel. There are a couple of places where I would have punctuated differently--a comma after "And"...
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Alan,I was struck by the ending of the second line--"languish" is placed so well here.This is a fetching piece of work, I think, although I have a bit of a problem with the laziness of the meter in...
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Hi,Many thanks to Don and Eric, I am flattered and delighted by your comments.Eric - you have a keen ear and eye, spotting immediately all the places where I struggled.I have adopted your suggested...
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Hi M.Thanks for your helpful comments.I accept failures\azaleas is one of those rhymes that people are going to either love or hate - it is, I agree far-fetched. I feel without it's more quirky...
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Hello, Alan -I do admire this undulating, almost-nostalgic glimpse of a small paradise....I was a bit confused at "languish", then realized it can probably be stretched to three syllables.... I love...
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Hi,thanks for the positive comments.Yes, I guess I am, somewhat elastically, stretching 'languish' to three syllables. I think it just slows the pace here a tad, and that fits in with the...
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